Drugstore Cowboy (1989) has been on my watchlist for quite some time, so I finally decided to check it off my list this past week. The film is directed by Gus Van Sant and written by the director along with William S. Burroughs and Daniel Yost. The story is also based off the autobiographical novel with the same name written by James Fogle. It’s one that is utterly interesting and has a darkness to it that is nothing but captivating. But what is it about these darker stories that are so encapsulating? Perhaps it’s the idea of trekking into unknown territory or seeing a deep humanness in others that makes us want to experience the heartbreak and distress brought to the screen. Those themes also seem to be amplified when you’re given the story through the viewpoint of someone who has actually lived through it. Drugstore Cowboy is a film that brings you through a wild ride where you’re rooting for and simultaneously hoping for the demise of the characters you’re witnessing. Stories are windows for connection and some of the best ways we can understand others and ourselves are through the experiences of others, even if they are dark, messy, and horrible. Today in the Static Glass we’re looking into the experience of Bob (Mat Dillion) to shed some light on our own lives.

On Bad Decisions

Addiction is not something to take lightly, so I don’t want to glamorize it at all or glaze over it, but I did find this film and story to be one that is engaging, reflective of society, and a snapshot into what it means to be human. Bob is portrayed as somewhat of an eccentric who is propelled by drugs and theft. As a person, I get the sense that he is full of wit and potential but is led down a path that doesn’t highlight his qualities in the best light. While we all might not be struggling with a drug addiction, I do believe that many of us can see similar qualities within ourselves to Bob and his posse. He seems to be called to drugs from a sadness within him. The reasoning wasn’t explored much in the film, but some people are just born with an inner darkness that can be hard to beat. Some people also have this rebellious anti-authority attitude that can definitely drive decisions. Bob seems like someone who seems to deal with a mix of both of these things. I can’t say I struggle with drug addiction, but I have struggled with finding the purpose or joy in everyday life. That struggle definitely led me down my own dark paths in life. On these roads, I found myself blaming the world instead of taking accountability. This poses the question: Does ones struggle excuse them from making bad choices? It happens and no one is perfect, but at the end of the day you must take accountability for any repercussions that come from making such decisions. We start the story in the midst of Bob’s story, where he had already been walking down his own foggy path.

Along this path, he found a group of people to follow him along, like a group of bandits causing havoc wherever they are. It seemed that Bob loved to be a leader among misfits and this gave his dark path purpose. His highs weren’t only from the drugs, but also from the experience of setting up a game plan, executing it, and walking away with a great score. Again, this is one extreme of where one’s bad decisions can lead them, but we all have our vices that we lean on. In our reflections, we can look at where we are leading people astray or being led astray ourselves. This can be hidden in many ways, situations, or people. It’s a simple reminder that not everyone needs, but if you do need it, it’s here.

The Blame Game

We all have our quirks, whether it be superstitions, a lucky shirt, or game day rituals that we rely on to give us some piece of mind for high stress situations. These can be fun and harmless, but at what point are we using these as crutches for when situations in our lives go wrong? Bob, in all his eccentricities, had his own set of superstitions. What the group talked about or did could be something that led them to weeks or even years of bad luck. We see this first when the younger couple asks if they can bring a dog into the home. This sparks Bob’s superstition and leads him to moving the team to another place. The blame was put on what someone had said, not on the fact that there was illegal activity going on. When making bad decisions, your vision can be clouded and that’s when blame is sent around to everyone ecvept yourself. At this point, we can see that Bob isn’t just this chill drugstore bandit, but is holding bouts of paranoia and stress that will only lead to more spiraling. However, can we blame bad luck on what Bob decides to do next? This is another pivotal point in the movie that I won’t spoil, but eventually, Bob and his posse are driven out of town. It’s on this journey that we learn about a bigger superstition of Bob’s one that could lead to years of bad luck: Putting a hat on a bed.

The thing about making bad choices in life, is that it never just affects you. The people around us always catch strays. Bob had this intense energy about him that also felt a bit controlling and one character who especially felt this was Nadine (Heather Graham). She was a younger and newer person to the group, who felt the need to keep up with the rest of them. There was something in her that felt like she needed to prove something to Bob and that resulted in a lot of backlash and rebellion. Unfortunately, Nadine was someone who caught a stray in this mess. This isn’t a case of bad luck or something that happened because she put her hat on the bed. This was brought on my countless bad decisions that the group and Bob made. In that moment it can be easy to look to the universe or God as punishing you because of something like a hat on a bed. However, is this not just the principle of causation? There is a certain point in one’s life where something acts as a catalyst for change and this part of the movie is where Bob has his change of heart. He finds himself in desperation that if he gets safely out of this situation he’ll change his life for the btter. Go sober, get a job, assimilate into society.

Starting Over, Second Chances, and Forgiveness for Ourselves

Just like many of us, we hit a breaking point in our bad decisions, where we are led to changing our lives. Hopefully for the better. Bob sensed more bad luck after this incident. Was it because there was a hat on a bed? A superstitious following? Or was there something in him that really wanted to change? We can use this moment in the movie as a wake-up call to make the change now. Don’t wait for a terrible moment, but know that what we choose to do will have a reaction in the next moment.

For Bob, he was tired of the life he was leading and really needed a change. But can we outrun bad luck or our desire to make bad decisions? There are some things in life that are just hard to quit, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying. Though Bob did some really terrible things, he was hoping he could start fresh and get a second chance and he did, so you can too. If you’re looking for forgiveness, know that you can find it within yourself. You don’t need to continue punishing yourself for the things that you did (If you watch the movie, I don’t think you’ll have done anything like this.). Most of us feel shame by our own hats on the beds. Things we believe that aren’t inherently true. They are only true because we decided it was. The movie continues on, but I suggest watching it to figure out what happens next. What we’ll leave here today is the question: What are we blaming on the world or others, that can actually be reflected back to us as something we need to work on? It’s okay to be imperfect, messy, and wrong, but you can change your bad luck and get over all your hats on the bed. Just keep trying until you do.

Song: Bad Decisions by The Strokes

Thank you, I love you,

Rae