I was one of those people who was dreading turning 30. I’ll say the whole year before I did was filled with self torment. I was (and still am) so far from figuring anything out. It’s not a new concept or thought, I know. It turns out on every crevice of the internet I see people saying the same thing. I guess none of us have anything figured out, but still I feel it. I thought by 30, maybe I would have at least one thing completely figured out. It turns out the more I learn the less I really know.

You’ll find endless lists and videos out there telling you what they’ve learned over their 20’s and leading into their 30’s. That’s amazing and you should definitely read those if you’re in need of some life lessons. However, today, this post is all about the things I don’t know. The things I don’t have figured out. So, if you’re out there beating yourself up about where you’re at in life, don’t. I mean it. Don’t do that shit, because there is so much I don’t have figured out either. So we’re in this together and I guarantee you we’re not the only ones. Even if we are, at least now you know that you aren’t alone. So here are the 30 things I still don’t fully have figured out at 30! (part 1 of 3)

1. Is this my intuition? I mean, honestly. I have learned to trust myself more, but I still, at times, find myself questioning if what I’m doing is “right” or “wrong”. There is no way to know, just that maybe it doesn’t matter either way.
2. Why I continue to let my past haunt me! It’s sad, I know, but every now and then my brain wants to remind me something from my past. It makes me shudder, cringe, and shake my head trying to get the imagery out of my head. I work through it each time and sometimes even laugh at the silliness of it all, but can my past stay there so I don’t have to go on a cringe fest?
3. If therapy is for me. I don’t have the most extensive therapy experience, but I have gone a handful of times and still don’t know how I feel about it. I think some of the exercise are helpful and definitely believe that talking through our traumas is a necessity, but is this something I have to pay for? Perhaps, I just still haven’t found the right person but I’ll be honest and say that therapy seems to be treated like a luxury item at times, which makes me feel weird about the whole thing.
4. Am I too old for “this”? I know the answer is no. I don’t think anyone is too old for anything they want to do. I mean this in the sense of following your passions or your heart. As children, you’re told to have dreams and to have a sense of urgency for the future. That gets confusing as you get older, because then you’re told to be realistic. So still, Idk? Which is it? Sometimes I still feel like a child searching for what’s the truth. Maybe, only we can reveal that to ourselves.
5. Do people really not caring about what i’m doing and is that a good thing? When we need to get over our anxiety of being seeing, we’re often told “ don’t worry no body cares or is judging you.”, but do we honestly believe that to be true? Also, in terms of art or passion is this something that I want to accept? I guess it’s about choosing whether you care or not, about either thing.
6. Is there such a thing as being behind in life? It’s irrational to think that we’re all in some kind of race. First to buy a house, have a family, get married, or have a million dollars, but something has made it feel this way. When I ground myself and think of it, I know that this is silly. However, when I’m in the thick of life and looking around at my peers— I feel like I might still be at the starting line.
7. Economics. I just don’t think there was enough emphasis of this in school and I, frankly, didn’t seem to care about it at all. Now, I wish I did because I just don’t know anything about it. And no, it’s not too late for us to figure it out but I wish I didn’t have to.
8. How I would like my living space to be decorated. What is still stylish and fun, but doesn’t look like i’m still pulling an all nighters before an exam? Interior design is surely an art, but I also love when people just know what they like and make their whole live revolve around it. I think I like soo many different things that I end up with bare white walls. Paralyzed from decision!
9. What tf is my dating history?! We’ve all been through our fair share of messed up relationships or situationships. Often, I find myself thinking back and being like, why? What was it that attracted to me to them? Hint, I wasn’t. I know this isn’t really something you need to “figure out”, but it’s something to think about when wanting to break bad habits. I find myself looking to these past experiences and wondering if I have learned from them. Am I currently accepting only the best for myself? Or am I still taking the short end of the stick in any type of relationship? This one is a tricky one, but one worth figuring out.
10. How many socks and underwear to pack for a trip. Look, it doesn’t have to be an exact science I know. However, I feel like there must be a simple equation to this. The exact number of days + 2? But then what If something happens and I have to stay longer? or, what if my luggage gets lost or stolen? so then, do I bring that number X 2 and split them up in my hand carry? There are so many questions and no solid answers!

Okay, I’ll be back with part 2 next week! Until then, what are some things you still don’t have figured out?

Love you, thank you!

Rae